regret?

i'm currently in a friggin' loonnnggg holiday which will end pretty soon, and along the way, i knew i had to be creative to kill my time. and... i checked my friends' blogs. reading and updating myself with their current-state-of-life, somehow it left me speechless of what is becoming of me in these past few years. I've become a super idle (huh, word pun. idle=idol) life-watcher couch potato!

i analyzed, realized even, at a point, that academically, i havent mature yet. okay, how would i put this... i notice that almost everytime i face an exam or test, i KNEW i wasnt doing good enough. i KNEW i didnt give em my best shot. I KNEW i could do better, but i friggin' did not. there's just this teeny weeny evil inside of me feeding my ego, saying "tsk, you're smart, so why spend so much of your time studying? you can hit em effortlessly!"

tsk. what a fool i was, gambling about my future. i was just being too darn playful, for my own sake!

my SPM was just so-so (terrible, in my opinion). my asasian results were... so-so (well, i managed to get an offer to study medicine and dentistry overseas, but still). my limkokwing results were.... well i was at the top in sem 1 (could you smell the blooming roses?) but in sem 2... ahahhahah. (zipped my lips shut) i know right. what a shame.

it kept me thinkin. what would've happened if i have decided, by then, to promise myself to give anything that i do my best shot. well, of course things would change. but why cry over some spilled milk right. (breathe in)

i hope, i pray that i'll be a better person who will not disappoint myself in the future. i have high expectations on myself (higher than anyone could possibly put in me) and my ego (yeah, my fat ego) will not allow any mistakes that i prolly deliberately make along the way.

i want to stand tall!!!

God, do not forsake me along the way. Watch over my coming and going forevermore. I really want to be a big deal when in the future!!!

I dont mind seeing him again...

I woke up with a disappointed feeling with my heart beating fast this morning.

It seems like i was in a huge posh ballroom with only jeans and plain T, walking around helping the staffs. Girls and guys were socializing around with glasses of wine in their hands, laughing and flirting with each other. It was a perfect night to have fun, oh right. I felt jealous of 'em since i wasnt in my best image.

Then this tall handsome guy with a black designer suit coming towards me with a serious but smiling face. His left hand was twirling a half-filled wine glass. People’s gaze seemed to follow his steps. He attracted a lot of attention, i thought. And oh man... i cant remember the details of his face but i KNEW he’s one big deal of a man. He stood at around 5’11 to 6’ feet and had that charismatic aura about him. Perfect straight nose, short black hair and piercing sexy eyes. Gosh....... he's so freakin' hot.

He beckoned me to follow him as we walked down a hallway.

Then i followed him to his car. He drove me to this house and asked me to change into something better as he waited outside the room. and wow, a black elegant knee-length dress was prepared for me. I put it on, ofcourse. fashioned my hair (shockingly they were long) and whatnot. I came out for a sec just to ask him whether i look alright.

My heart gave me this dup-dap sounds when i looked at his amazed face. I knew i look pretty, beautiful even (the vain feeling in my dream amazed me too, lol. and yeah, i did feel sexy!). He smiled and looked away. A little expression of nervous was written on his face made me wonder. a little startled, even. I came into the room to get my corset when i heard tyres screeching. i rushed outside.

He was gone!!! With his supercool elegant black sports car!!! I felt bewildered, of course. Such ungentlemanly manner, leaving a girl behind. Tsk. The next time i see you, mr hottie, i’d give you a piece of my mind.

I think i met another version of Kang Dong Won. GAHHHH!!!!!

it's sooo disturbing to have such unfinished dream. I'm looking forward for a sequel!!! ahahahahhaha~~