BE MY ESCAPE

Yeah, browsing thru the list of my songs again. like to express my situation from time to time with existing songs. more feel la tek~

BE MY ESCAPE - RELIENT K

I’m givin up, im giving up slowly
Im blending in so you wont even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet u mentioned
Is my one last shot of redemption
Cuz i know to live, you must give ur life away
now i’ve been housing all this doubts and insecurities
now i’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
now i’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
and even though there’s no way of going, where to go, promise i’m going because
i... gotta get outta here
im stuck inside this rut that i fell into by mistake
yeah, i... gotta get outta here
and im begging you
im begging you
im begging you to be my escape
i’m giving up, i’m doing this alone now
cuz i’ve failed and im ready to be shown how
show me the way n im trying to get there
and this life sentence that im serving
i admit that im every bit deserving
but the beauty of grace is that its make life not fair

i fought you for so long now
should’ve let you win
oh how we regret those things we do
all i was trying to do is save my own skin
but so are you
so are you.....

THE WAY TO BEGIN - KRYSTAL MEYERS

Dear God, its me again down here
Dont wanna sound insincere
Im lost, sometimes you’re so unclear
What can I do, i’m feeling so far from you
Frustrated, irritated, disconnected from it all
The weight of the world has pushed me to the wall!!!

I’ll open my broken heart cuz i’ve reached the end
And you are the way to begin

I’ve seen a million empty smiles, living in denial
I dont wanna live like that
Where nothing’s real, i hate it is to feel
Frustrated, irritated, disconnected from it all!!!
Im breaking, aching for something beautiful!!!!!!!

Make me whole.
It’s not the end, this is just the beginning.

NEVER LET THE DEVIL SMILE XD

Warghh... I need to go sing my heart out karaoke-ing or go midnight joyride with my friends and channel my stress in a good way instead of alcohol. Lols~ as if i’d do that. As naughty as i am, i’d never let the bad win!!!!!!
Yes!!!!!!!!! Ahahahha... I wonder if my parents allow me to go midnight joyriding. Uhuhuhu~~
For a Pessimist, I’m pretty Optimistic.

Please tell me now b4 i fall

[reminiscing my younger days back in KL]

I’ve been browsing my 1000+ songs in my laptop when i clicked one of Cassie’s songs – Is it You? I laughed to myself cuz i found it amusing – how that song fits into my situation right now.

Is It You – Cassie

Im looking for a lover not a friend
Someone who could be there when i need some1 to talk to
Im looking for some1 who wont pretend
Some1 who’s not afraid to say the way they feel about you
And im looking for some1 who understands how i feel
Some1 who can keep me real
And who knows the way
Boy i’d like to have you in my way
And im looking for some1 who takes me there
Wants to share, Shows he cares
Thinkin you’re the one that i’ve been waiting for

Is it you? Is it you?
Maybe you’re the one i’ve been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? Could you be the one i need?

Im looking for some1 to share my pain
Some1 who i can run to who will stay with me when it rains
Some1 who i can cry with thru the night
Some1 who i can trust whose heart is right
...
IS IT YOU?????

And yeah. As i scrolled my list down, I thought of dedicating this next song to Daniel. Yeah, it does sound emo, but it isnt as serious as that. LOL

Cold As You – Taylor Swift
You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So i start a fight cuz i need to feel something...
Oh what a shame, what a rainy day given to a perfect day...
And now im sitting here thinking it thru, i’ve never been anywhere as cold as you

And the next song – Mirror by Barlowgirl – I dedicated this song to myself. No matter what happens, I wont let the world sets its standards on me. Hee~ not that i said i wont dress to impress though. Girls wanna have fun too rite.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Have i got it?
Cuz mirror, u always told me who I am
I’m finding it’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry... you wont define me
Sorry... you dont own me!!!

Who are you to tell me that i’m less than what i should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I dont need to listen to the list of things i should do
I wont try, noo, i wont try

Mirror, i am seeing a new reflection
I’m looking into the eyes of the you’ve made me
And to him, im a beauty beyond compare
I know he defines me
Yeah!

You dont define me (no, you dont define me)
You dont define me (no, you dont define me)
YOU DONT DEFINE ME....!!!

Drowning myself

I'm starting to entertain myself with the thoughts of drowning myself in alcohol lately. I'm worried. So so worried. I need to go out to get some fresh air, maybe hanging out with my friends. but my parents wont understand it.

God, I need to cry now. I'm really one damsel in distress. I need to have some real FUN.

A Dense Pig

[a high end audio]


I never thought I could be so worked up before in my whole life. Never thought I could found such trash before. It's like you saw something great at Jusco, (say, a hi-fi set) plus, the item has been rumoured to have the best quality in its league - clarity, space, timing.... You put such high hopes on that thing to work, cuz you spent fuckin much money on it. You switched on that thing.




and NOTHING happened. You smack that thing hard, maybe some wires r lose or sumthing. still...

NOTHING happened. Then what would most people do? Maybe you guys would go to the shop again to replace it with another set. But oopsie, you cant. Cuz the things sold there is non-refundable. So alright, you think. probably its best to send it to be repaired or sumthing. But oopsie, suddenly the repair guy tells you that the main thing is missing.

The circuit board is missing!!!!!!!! The most important n expensive stuff in a high-end audio!!! And you're pissed off. Wat would you do then? Ofcourse, the obvious thing ever.

THROW IT OUT. CUZ IT'S A FUCKING TRASH.

Unless you want to sell it to some steel factory to be recycled. LOL

EMO ERA (title is of the courtesy of The Fool)

lols... i'm not sure whether this situation worries or amuses me. either way la. yala... everyone seems to have no mood liaw. the death mood is hanging sourly in the class' atmosphere. it's like attending a celebrity's funeral on the sabbath day with a bright orange t-shirt with I-M-Single emblazoned across it. (i hope K-Fed died cuz he created another 2 phenomenal disasters - Britney Spears and Chris Crocker) . So what's a good way to release the stress ley? sure... PARTY. well, its not much of a party anyway, just a small gathering.


well, anyway, we had this birthday surprise for Yii Hou's 20th bday.

so this is me with the crazy reen cam-whoring in the chonglin lift. around an hour before the party started. (~I...m coming out so you better get the party started~~)

the mommy audrey n the adopted daughter.




cam whoring again. actually i wanted to delete this pic but audrey insisted that reen uploaded it on my facebook. l0ols

lols~ i forgot who took this pic. but... yeah , the photoshop made it looks nicer. wahahahah~ people said (or that certain particular person) said it's a combination of innocence+naughtiness n watnot. XD

tsk. i never knew I'm good at taking pictures. XD keep on rocking reen!!!

and yeah... for the finale... just took 3 sips of vodka, feel ngantok ady. peh~~ im no use in attending the annual gawai fest. XD no lah. blum minum gik ya. me and reen tried the who-look-more-drunk competition. guess i won. XD

yay......... the innocent lebat is fading away......... but still good la. no worries to my ex-classmates. ahahahah

eh jap. the topic kinda lari ady la. supposed to be emo-themed rite. ahh, no wonder i got so low in my english test. lols

Misery loves a Company

I was about to search for my eraser in the pencilcase when i realized that i was crying. God, I need to hold on. I need some time to adjust myself from this uncomfortable zone.
I cursed in front of my mom for the first time. I felt guilty that I cried. I changed so much lately. It’s like I dont know myself anymore. My patience and cool are starting to dissipate. I’m worried.
God, where are You when I need Your company the most? I’m breaking down. I’m not sure. Is playing by the world’s rules aren’t alright? Or is it just because I’m not a good player?
For my friends who happen to read this, I’m sorry that some of my words did hurt you. I might be a fuckin’ly ignorant person, but trust me when i say this. I need some time. My ignorance doesnt imply that I’m not concerned about you guys. It’s just that I’m in distress now and I really need time.
I trust that time could heal. And so does God.

Bob Hair

I wanna cut my hair!!!
My dad complains of me not tying up my hair n it annoys him that i always brushed my bangs off my face whenever I'm driving.
Wahahahahaha~~ lawak ndah. bodo ada.

MORE WORK?????!!!

fuck man! blum smpat gik ku mok rest, keja datang mlambak gik!!!!!!!!!
bullshit!!!!!!!!!!! how the fuck can i finish 5 assgnments tonight???!!!

isnt relieved yet, dammit!!!

yo bi.

okayla, i'm happy cuz asfia's model is finished (at last!!!). one of the problems in my life solved. bullshit liaw, terry's assignments r waiting!!! i badly need a LONG rest, considering I've been working on my model for three days straight from day to nite. (yeah, and foul language dah kdak asam garam keropok udang bg aku)

I NEED REST!!! I DEMAND FOR A LIFETIME'S REST!!! lol

feeLin Weird

i'm... so blur...

things that i'm unhappy during this week:
1. the assignments, as usual. triple duh.
2. related to the above truth. I'm supposed to do my f**kin assignments but I'm distracted so easily. food~ youtube~ warcraft~ more games~ my bed~ CHAT~ (wonder who should i put this blame to. lols. me la, partly)
3. i'm tired. it's like 99% of my usual hyperness has been sucked by a big f**kin black hole.
4. asfia's model's due date is next monday and i havent done the f**kin base.
5. the fact that i'm active in using foul language nowadays.
6. the fact that i cant get wireless signal from my room. lols

things that i'm happy (and blur) at the same time:
1. getting my new fuel-efficient car this week (do i HAVE to put fuel-efficient thing there? ah well~ one reason to be happy about)
2. got the highest marks in maths n building structure. che~ what's to be cheered for. it's only B for the latter one. (lol)
3. terry (i heart you) finally decided that we should pass up the whole folder next week. yay~
4. karaoke with my crazy groupmates at Jo's house. She's a good pianist. and i sux at guitar ~.~
5. i finally have set a goal this coming sem holi. WORK~~~~ yay!

Bullshits

Wtf is happening to me lately?? i hate myself cuz im being... maybe a lil too hypocrite. Why do i have to run away whenever i saw his glimpse??? It's not as if he'll eat me alive or sumthin... so why scared??
wow, if he happens to read this, he should be proud. cuz he's probably the 2nd guy that I'm afraid of, besides my dad. lols

SZCHIZOPHRENIA remix

Yeah, heard about sum1 with a 'dwi personaliti?'

yeah....

I think I'm one of them, although I'm not that disordered as to freak people out. I think I have to tell ya'll about what I'm used to be. Ask any of my childhood friends, and this one word would usually popped out - NERD.

lols... looking back to at my 19-year-old life, i think i've changed a lot, even tho the sisa2 ke-nerdy-an is still there. You know what, I should've taken a pic of my academic achievements (there were over 25 piala n watnot), but I've thrown almost all of them away. menyemak bha, polah sakit mata memandang cuz I'm dumber now. lols... malas ma.

well, the stor goes like tis. last week, i went visiting zu's house with a couple of my ex-classmates. After talking to me for like 10 mins, they were like a lil shocked n went 'lebat... you've changed hoh?' (well, i went out with my chinese gang ma). i was a lil surprised too cuz the old me would talk like this.

"so... nick, congrats for your band 6 in muet."
"why, thanks." (and nicholas would grin. or smugged.)
"So i heard that you're taking five subjects for your coming stpm. You'll do well, no doubt about it."
"what, I almost got an A for my chemistry. if i'd argue for my 4 mark, i'll surely get that grade"(nicholas would grin some more. He's the most kiasu guy I've ever met)
"no worries, you can do it."

bla~ bla~ more talking about academics. But heck, no. this was the real conversation.well, almost.

"so... nick, congrats for your band 6 in muet."
"why, thanks." (and nick did smugged, as I've expected.)
"So how's your exam? stpm is around the corner rite?" (I already fet queasy and adjusted my seat. well, almost)
"what, I almost got an A for my chemistry. If i'd argue for my 4 marks, i'll surely get that grade". (he didnt grin. his smug deepened.)
"Oh."

then I turned around to mandy and started talking craps. and boys. lols.....
Not that I'm against academics though, no. (i love oganic chem n genetic engineering. ah, well~)
okay, it's not a huge change or watnot, but I've somehow (mandy realized, as the rest of the gang did) that I'm more confident in myself. (i remembered when I joined the debate team. luckily, thank God, i wasnt one of the speakers. I was just the info gatherer. wujudkah? and the time when I joined kuiz kesihatan peringkat sarawak in mukah. we won the peringkat saringan cuz it was in an enclosed hall. but when we successfully got thru the saringan, it's time to face the best of the bests. shoot, i was sitting, on the stage, facing hundreds of senior high-schoolers. and i didnt feel like myself. I was nervous like crazy. almst luput one. okayla... dapat juak naib peringkat negeri nak)

and they said I've became naughtier!! (in its broadest sense. lols)

alamak. it's 5 pm. mok tido lok. klak bercerita cintun gik. mata panda. 0.O lol

conclusion? I was a nerd. and maybe still am. hahha, wait, i havent explain why the heck am i being szchizophrenic. that will have to wait then. ~~~

My head hurts!!!

Bullllll maannnn..... it's a wonder why zits-breakout havent occured to me yet so far, considering the generously flowing assignments incoming!!!!!

Okay. ofcourse i experienced stress before. The worst so far was when I was about to face the Final Exam of PASUM (pusat asasi sains uni malaya). gila siot. PIMPLE BREAKOUTS BIG TIME. Taihen desune, it was hard to find suitable facial wash then (L'oreal, Gervenne, Olay... All that were bullshits) Sorry, I was sidetracked.

Anyway... this is what, 6th october? And... okay. (counting~ counting~) 3 more models to be finished. Eh wait... yeah, 3 is the minimum. arghh... and tomorrow is the due date for 20+ sketches of architectural drawing.

(EHHH??????!!!!!)

Thanks for the sweet reminder. Now I'm starting to think why the hell am I procrastinating, wasting my precious time blogging this stupid post.