Misery loves a Company

I was about to search for my eraser in the pencilcase when i realized that i was crying. God, I need to hold on. I need some time to adjust myself from this uncomfortable zone.
I cursed in front of my mom for the first time. I felt guilty that I cried. I changed so much lately. It’s like I dont know myself anymore. My patience and cool are starting to dissipate. I’m worried.
God, where are You when I need Your company the most? I’m breaking down. I’m not sure. Is playing by the world’s rules aren’t alright? Or is it just because I’m not a good player?
For my friends who happen to read this, I’m sorry that some of my words did hurt you. I might be a fuckin’ly ignorant person, but trust me when i say this. I need some time. My ignorance doesnt imply that I’m not concerned about you guys. It’s just that I’m in distress now and I really need time.
I trust that time could heal. And so does God.