Thinking too much.

Dear ________,

Let me be honest with you for only one night. After that, discard this thought far away, if you want to. This is a thought which I want you to know, but perhaps I dont have enough guts to say to you face to face.

Sorry for what's happening. I dont know what's happening here anyway, but I'm sure that I didnt mean for all these things to happen. But well, let's start from the Alpha, shall we?

Alright. I liked you. Had feelings for you. Perhaps I still like you anyway, but now it's fading. Thank God. Cuz I know being realistic is important since this is one sided anyway. You're a great guy, seriously. But as time passes by, ofcourse I can see that it's useless to sow this kinda feelings right?

Now about the conversation that we had back when i was in my journey to Kuching. Dont-be-too-good-to-me stuff? It's because I want to protect myself from falling. But actually, I fell. I've been hurt badly before and I dont want this kinda thing to happen again. (But it happened) After that, naturally, your attitude towards me changed. drastically. Suddenly all the little things were left unnoticed. I dont think you've seen any of that. You took my words seriously. I was angry at myself for telling you that if I knew it would turn this way. Bullshit, right? Okay, discard that. Past is past and even though I'm still affected, dont worry about it. I'll get rid of it all eventually.

Now that I want to be realistic, I want to get back to my old cool self. I want us to get back to what we used to be. But somehow I know what your reaction would be. "I didnt change. I was acting normal". That would be your reaction. I'm not sure whether you're purposely being ignorant or you're just too darn oblivious to other people's feelings. I dont know. But if you're oblivious, then it's good. Maybe it was just me who think things too much. And of course, I would be smiling or smirking and teasing you "Good lah if you mean that" when only God knows what I'd be feeling inside. I wont show my true emotions to you, so dont worry. You dont have to interpret anything since I'll bury all of them. That'll make things easier, right? Since you dont like settling up problems? I understand. Who likes that anyway?

i'll treat everything like a pro. Trust me. Even when you hurt my feelings unconsciously, I wont show any of my true feelings. It's just too darn annoying and unnecessary. And i know you cant take em anyway. Since I know, to think of my problem for a nanosecond more is a waste of time.

I miss our pillowtalks. I know it sounds uncool and sissy to you (prolly. i know by this part you'd think that I think too much) but do i look like i care whether you're being cool or not? you're still you, no matter what.

Take all of this with a sincere heart, my friend. Since I sincerely pouring all these out to you. I'm sorry for overreacting to every little thing. It's just so hard being a girl, especially a vulnerable one like me.

Let time heal, okay? I have a lot to say, a lot to ponder, but shall we just stop here? "You're thinking too much" is what you would say. Prolly I did think too much. Maybe it's wrong to do that. Well, forgive me then. I'll try to be cooler next time.

Angry? Upset? I'm still feeling both of that right now. But Lebat is still keeping her cool. So she's alright. Time is always there to accompany her.

Until next time, ________.

Truthfully,

the naughtylilsaint.